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Thursday, February 23rd, 2006
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so i just woke up and i guess im eighteen now. wow. don't feel any different but my myspace says im 18.
time flies...
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Sunday, February 19th, 2006
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everything goes from super high to super low like one second im driving and the musics going and i cant help but hum along and nothing matters. absolutely nothing matters in the whole word except that moment. but the song ends i get off at an exit drive and park. here's wishing that moments would last a little longer.
started thinking about how my birthday was like that last year. it went from stressful but exciting day to bliss with nique when we got what we wanted and then i got home and it crashed and burned. maybe i'll tell you someday why but until then i have to keep it to myself. honestly the worst day of my entire life. no not like oh my gah it was the worst, girl dang! no honestly the worst feeling and moment ive ever experienced. i never thought i could hurt that much after a single realization and there wasnt anything i could do about it. the worst part was that as much as some could help no one understood. how could anyone understand that? and it wasnt even about me it was about how part of me couldnt cope. but then i did.
so thats why its strange to imagine that a whole year has almost passed since then. that after a year things have gotten better. are they normal again? haha what the hell is normal anyway? but you know what? its better. its just scary to think that in a second it could happen again. i still dont want to be eighteen on thursday but more importantly i dont want another birthday like last year.
soooo my birthday wish- trying to keep last year in the past and starting this next year of my life a little better, i guess. but no one can just... give me that.
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Sunday, February 12th, 2006
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yes it's been too long but i realized i finally decided to update.
so much has happened since october. sooo many things. i regret not updating about them because the whole point of this thing is to be able to look back at things id want to get swept up in memories about... oh well i guess there just as amazing without written lj documentation.
this year is going by so fast. i want school to go faster and weekends to slow down. im realizing more and more how much im going to miss everything next year. by everything i mean everyone that i love and all the moments i have with them. this weekend made me think about this. lately i keep having moments with specific people where i realize how important they are to me. some of them probably dont realize it just as ive realized how ive neglected them but next year i wont have them like i have them now and that is by far the scariest thing imaginable. i know how much people mean to me when no matter what has happened between us or how we are now that we can still be together like no time has passed and its wonderful. what if i lose some people forever and not intentionally. not oh high school is over lets not be friends you arent important but over time we drift even further apart and thats just it. forever. forever i hate that word. ooo and by hate i mean strongly dislike. thats why im trying to promise myself that no matter how close i am to the people i love now i wont ever lose them. i just hope that works out.
on that note. im almost 18. this entire year is about ambivalence ive decided. im ready for 18's lack of curfew and the joys of splurging on lottery tickets i guess but so much of me loves 17. by far my favorite age ever. so much has changed during 17 but im still me and im just afraid 18 will bring more changes i wont want. so 17 just hold on a little longer...
so ill try to keep updated so when this year is over and i look back i can remember how it all happened. how this year flew by with just a blink and how i loved every crazy stressful exciting depressing and amazing moment of it.
leave me a message so i know someone still checks this in search of an update.
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Thursday, October 13th, 2005
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dear livejournal,
I’d like to apologize for over a month of neglect. I’m sorry that I’ve had a myspace affair, but I love you both dearly… I’ve just been busy.
I still can’t believe it’s senior year and so far it’s had its ups and downs. I’m starting to realize that I have to take things as they come and not try to take things as I want them to come. I know I’m the only one who can control my actions, but I can’t control my destiny. A lot has already changed for me this year, but I think I’m adjusting better than I ever hoped to imagine… just a long way to go before acceptance.
Things to look forward to…
PA v. Cox Field Hockey Game 3:45 tomorrow!!!
Tailgate tomorrow 5:30 seniors only!!!
New York City for Fiddler and Phantom next weekend!!!
Halloween!!!
10.30 <3!!!
College Applications!!! not…
Senior Homecoming!!!
5-Day Weekend in November!!!
Thanksgiving!!!
House of Blue Leave December 1,2, &3!!!
Winter Concerts!!!
Christmas!!!
2006….
I promised myself this year would not become a to-do list…
I’m afraid I’ve no poignant thoughts as the sultry summer sun has fled the sky leaving behind fall’s cool zephyrs whispering sweet nothings… so good night
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Monday, September 5th, 2005
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i'm keeping this short and sweet. otherwise, i'd dwell on what i'll miss the most from this summer. it was great i'll say but i always leave summer with so much i wish i would have accomplished like it didnt amount to anything. i shouldnt do that though because tomorrow's another day and just because i didnt accomplish it these last couple months doesnt mean i wont ever accomplish things. this year is going to be one of the best ever and i know i'll enjoy it.
so thank you summer for a wonderful time once again. you always make me love you more and more. here's to late nights, the beach, hanging with old and new friends, girls nights, vacations away, the sun, sunsets, sleeping in, going out on the boat, cooking out, singing in the car with my favorite girls, driving until forever, laughing, crying, shopping, random nights and so much more...
this time next year things will all have changed. he'll change she'll change, i'll change- but i know its all going to be for the best.
let's make the best of this one and make every last moment last
to an amazing year...
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kypatty's journal
tired.